Due to a Spring Break "staycation" and a little bit of boredom I found myself giving out my number to a random suitor a couple weeks ago. I do not recommend giving out numbers to randoms, but this one has turned into quite the bit of entertainment for me.
A bit of background about this guy. I gave my number out and he texted a couple times without me responding because I realized how dumb it was to give out my number so quickly. However, during my staycation I partook in a few beverages of the vino variety and it made my decision making skills a little less than brilliant, so I ended up talking to him a bit. We texted for about a week and then one random weeknight I was hanging out with a friend at my house and I got an nugget of pure gold. A textaroo to do him a favor. Here is our conversation. Literally, taken out of my phone and typed into this blog for your reading pleasure. Side bar: I know this guys name (but don't know how to spell it, so I shall call him Rafiki...just because it is a great name). His name is about all I know of this man. Keep that in mind during our convo.
Rafiki: When you get a chance can you give a review on http://www.yelp.com/ Company name _________ (I'm not writing his company cause somehow I think that would be helping him try and advertise his company through dating websites).
Me: What?
Rafiki: Impressed with the service. Very knowledgeable Technicians I would recommend them to my family members.
Me: I've never heard of that service (ps...I will tell you this. The service is exterminators. Good to know I was talking to a bug man. This is in no way bashing the business. It is really important. No one wants spiders meandering around in their home. No one!)
Rafiki: It's ur chance to lie for once
Me: (deciding to play along) The thing is I don't feel comfortable lying because I don't have pests.
Rafiki: Thanxs no thanxs
Me: Haha. This is so completely random
Rafiki: What u mean? I thought we cool. I guess not. That's how I eat.
Me: That's how you eat huh?
Rafiki: If u needed something with ur work and I could help I would
Me: So literally you want me to write a review?
Rafiki: Yes.
I then decided that I was done for the day. The next day I got two texts from Rafiki.
Rafiki: I see we are not cool.
Rafiki: Did you review on yelp?
I didn't reply. Wasn't really into discussing how Rafiki's eat at the moment. Then last night I received a few more nuggets of gold from him.
Rafiki: LOL
Me (cause I couldn't help myself, so I responded to that horrendous context): Why LOL?
Rafiki: Do you want me to be ur boyfriend?
At this point I was past the point of questioning the guy because he had already been written off as Charlie Sheen to me, but now I started seriously questioning the other females on this website. Has this guy had luck with his tactics? Sweet Lord above, I hope not.
Me: Um...no. I don't even know you.
Rafiki: Okay I am going to delete ur number.
Me: Peace
Rafiki (8:53 pm): Peeeeeeaccccccce.
Rafiki (8:53 pm): Can I come hang out?
This site is doing wonders on how I view some people in this world! God Bless you Rafiki! I hope you get your five stars in customer service, your glowing yelp review, and a girl who knows exactly how you eat; however, you won't be getting it from this girl.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
A Great Way to get into a Girl's Pantalones...Nope.
It's been days, weeks, months, years since I have reported on my activities in the cyber dating world, but let's be honest...besides a couple men that ended up being douchers or douche bags there hasn't been a lot of activity in the internet world for me. I actually stopped checking my account for awhile and decided to live in the here and now with the people I can see. But alas, that hasn't panned out for me either. Honestly, the men that I can see haven't been rocking my world either. You know how it goes...feast or famine. At times you have many a men floating around and wanting to hang out with you, and then without warning BOOM. No men. They disappeared. All of them. At once. It is quite the mystery.
To put it mildly I have been in a famine for a hot second times twelve. How does one get out of a famine you ask? Welp...you go back online. So I did, and let me tell you it has not disappointed me. Not a disappointment meaning I have found some great material for this lovely blog. As for the fellows...there has not been any real potential suitors that I care to indulge in.
Introducing...the List of Questions.
The List of Questions came to me a couple days ago from a man that I had stopped emailing a couple different times. The last time he tried to chat it up with me I decided to go ahead and reply (remember I was in a famine). Turns out this guy seemed ok. Best of all...he seemed rich. Side bar: I am not looking for a Sugar Daddy. Ever. Money is actually not a big deal to me. However, I was in a famine of epic proportions and thought, "Why not get fed some fine wines and cheeses?" I know. I'm a bad person.
Anyhoo...recently Mr. Inquiry asked if I had received his list of questions yet? Not thinking much about it I said I had not. In return he sent the LIST. I have not changed any of the gloriousness, so that you guys can decipher for yourselves. Enjoy.
The List of Questions:
So I'm on here looking for someone with longer-term relationship potential. Accordingly, I'm pretty specific about what I want and don't want and I have to ask the tough/awkward questions to find out if a person is or isn't worth pursuing. I compiled a list of questions yesterday that I'd like to try out on you. Hopefully, you won't be offended by these questions and will answer honestly. Otherwise, you're probably not the right woman for me anyway because I value open and honest communication regarding important issues. I'm no hypocrite. I'll gladly answer ANY questions you may ask of me.
1. Do you have ANY STDs (even oral herpes--cold sores, though that’s not a dealbreaker, even though I don’t have it)? If not:
a. When was the last time you had sex (including oral)? I’m only asking as it relates to the questions below.
b. When was the last time you were tested for STDs?
c. What STDs were you tested for (don't say "all" unless you can list all of them; I have the list :) )
d. Where were you last tested? I don’t need a name, just the type of place.
e. How long before getting tested did you have sex?
(BTW, I don’t have anything—not even oral herpes which most people supposedly have)
2. Are you on birth control? If so, what kind and since when?
3. Do you believe in abortion for yourself (don’t say you’re “pro choice” unless you would have one yourself, and not just in cases of rape or incest), in the event that you get pregnant and the guy is not on board with the pregnancy and you two aren't married (i.e., would you really choose to have a child and raise it on your own or potentially embroil yourself in a bitter custody battle and/or dysfunction for the next 18 years if you could avoid it)? I don’t second guess or judge what decisions a woman has already made prior to meeting me and accept her as she is and with any children she may have. However, I do believe in abortion as a legitimate back up method for me in the event that the primary method of birth control failed and the above conditions are present. I do not believe that sex must result in negative consequences (i.e., unplanned child, STD). I think sex is primarily for recreation/fun/bonding—not procreation. Pro-choice only applies to women in this country. A man’s “choice” is whether or not to sleep with a particular woman since he has no control over a woman’s body—and rightly so. Accordingly, if he chooses to be ignorant as to what she would do, he deserves whatever he gets/she ultimately decides. A responsible man who wants to maintain control over his own destiny will ask questions now—not later! If a woman chooses to lie about what she’d do, the karma fairy will get her eventually. :) BTW, if you have an IUD or your tubes have been tied, then this paragraph does not apply anyway.
4. How many kids do you want?
There you have it. My reason for asking these questions so soon is so that neither party wastes their time....I've had situations where I invest weeks or months in a relationship only to find out that we're really not on the same page including the issues addressed in my questions above. Had I asked these questions earlier, all of that waste could have been avoided. I hope you can see, understand, and, hopefully, agree with my reasoning. :)
Here is the deal. I think I should write back. My question for you my loyal readers (IE my close friends and family) is what should I write? The person with the best response will have their answers "published" in my next email to Mr. Inquiry. Ready Set Go!
To put it mildly I have been in a famine for a hot second times twelve. How does one get out of a famine you ask? Welp...you go back online. So I did, and let me tell you it has not disappointed me. Not a disappointment meaning I have found some great material for this lovely blog. As for the fellows...there has not been any real potential suitors that I care to indulge in.
Introducing...the List of Questions.
The List of Questions came to me a couple days ago from a man that I had stopped emailing a couple different times. The last time he tried to chat it up with me I decided to go ahead and reply (remember I was in a famine). Turns out this guy seemed ok. Best of all...he seemed rich. Side bar: I am not looking for a Sugar Daddy. Ever. Money is actually not a big deal to me. However, I was in a famine of epic proportions and thought, "Why not get fed some fine wines and cheeses?" I know. I'm a bad person.
Anyhoo...recently Mr. Inquiry asked if I had received his list of questions yet? Not thinking much about it I said I had not. In return he sent the LIST. I have not changed any of the gloriousness, so that you guys can decipher for yourselves. Enjoy.
The List of Questions:
So I'm on here looking for someone with longer-term relationship potential. Accordingly, I'm pretty specific about what I want and don't want and I have to ask the tough/awkward questions to find out if a person is or isn't worth pursuing. I compiled a list of questions yesterday that I'd like to try out on you. Hopefully, you won't be offended by these questions and will answer honestly. Otherwise, you're probably not the right woman for me anyway because I value open and honest communication regarding important issues. I'm no hypocrite. I'll gladly answer ANY questions you may ask of me.
1. Do you have ANY STDs (even oral herpes--cold sores, though that’s not a dealbreaker, even though I don’t have it)? If not:
a. When was the last time you had sex (including oral)? I’m only asking as it relates to the questions below.
b. When was the last time you were tested for STDs?
c. What STDs were you tested for (don't say "all" unless you can list all of them; I have the list :) )
d. Where were you last tested? I don’t need a name, just the type of place.
e. How long before getting tested did you have sex?
(BTW, I don’t have anything—not even oral herpes which most people supposedly have)
2. Are you on birth control? If so, what kind and since when?
3. Do you believe in abortion for yourself (don’t say you’re “pro choice” unless you would have one yourself, and not just in cases of rape or incest), in the event that you get pregnant and the guy is not on board with the pregnancy and you two aren't married (i.e., would you really choose to have a child and raise it on your own or potentially embroil yourself in a bitter custody battle and/or dysfunction for the next 18 years if you could avoid it)? I don’t second guess or judge what decisions a woman has already made prior to meeting me and accept her as she is and with any children she may have. However, I do believe in abortion as a legitimate back up method for me in the event that the primary method of birth control failed and the above conditions are present. I do not believe that sex must result in negative consequences (i.e., unplanned child, STD). I think sex is primarily for recreation/fun/bonding—not procreation. Pro-choice only applies to women in this country. A man’s “choice” is whether or not to sleep with a particular woman since he has no control over a woman’s body—and rightly so. Accordingly, if he chooses to be ignorant as to what she would do, he deserves whatever he gets/she ultimately decides. A responsible man who wants to maintain control over his own destiny will ask questions now—not later! If a woman chooses to lie about what she’d do, the karma fairy will get her eventually. :) BTW, if you have an IUD or your tubes have been tied, then this paragraph does not apply anyway.
4. How many kids do you want?
There you have it. My reason for asking these questions so soon is so that neither party wastes their time....I've had situations where I invest weeks or months in a relationship only to find out that we're really not on the same page including the issues addressed in my questions above. Had I asked these questions earlier, all of that waste could have been avoided. I hope you can see, understand, and, hopefully, agree with my reasoning. :)
Here is the deal. I think I should write back. My question for you my loyal readers (IE my close friends and family) is what should I write? The person with the best response will have their answers "published" in my next email to Mr. Inquiry. Ready Set Go!
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