Yelping my Way to True Love

Due to a Spring Break "staycation" and a little  bit of boredom I found myself giving out my number to a random suitor a couple weeks ago.  I do not recommend giving out numbers to randoms, but this one has turned into quite the bit of entertainment for me.

A bit of background about this guy.  I gave my number out and he texted a couple times without me responding because I realized how dumb it was to give out my number so quickly.  However, during my staycation I partook in a few beverages of the vino variety and it made my decision making skills a little less than brilliant, so I ended up talking to him a bit.  We texted for about a week and then one random weeknight I was hanging out with a friend at my house and I got an nugget of pure gold.  A textaroo to do him a favor. Here is our conversation.  Literally, taken out of my phone and typed into this blog for your reading pleasure.  Side bar:  I know this guys name (but don't know how to spell it, so I shall call him Rafiki...just because it is a great name).  His name is about all I know of this man.  Keep that in mind during our convo.

Rafiki:  When you get a chance can you give a review on http://www.yelp.com/ Company name _________ (I'm not writing his company cause somehow I think that would be helping him try and advertise his company through dating websites).


Me:  What?


Rafiki: Impressed with the service.  Very knowledgeable Technicians I would recommend them to my family members.


Me: I've never heard of that service (ps...I will tell you this.  The service is exterminators.  Good to know I was talking to a bug man.  This is in no way bashing the business.  It is really important.  No one wants spiders meandering around in their home.  No one!)


Rafiki: It's ur chance to lie for once


Me:  (deciding to play along) The thing is I don't feel comfortable lying because I don't have pests.


Rafiki:  Thanxs no thanxs


Me:  Haha.  This is so completely random


Rafiki:  What u mean?  I thought we cool.  I guess not.  That's how I eat.


Me:  That's how you eat huh?


Rafiki:  If u needed something with ur work and I could help I would


Me:  So literally you want me to write a review?


Rafiki:  Yes. 

I then decided that I was done for the day.  The next day I got two texts from Rafiki. 

Rafiki:  I see we are not cool.


Rafiki:  Did you review on yelp?

I didn't reply.  Wasn't really into discussing how Rafiki's eat at the moment.  Then last night I received a few more nuggets of gold from him.

Rafiki:  LOL


Me (cause I couldn't help myself, so I responded to that horrendous context):  Why LOL?


Rafiki:  Do you want me to be ur boyfriend?

At this point I was past the point of questioning the guy because he had already been written off as Charlie Sheen to me, but now I started seriously questioning the other females on this website.  Has this guy had luck with his tactics?  Sweet Lord above, I hope not.

Me:  Um...no.  I don't even know you.


Rafiki:  Okay I am going to delete ur number.


Me:  Peace


Rafiki (8:53 pm):  Peeeeeeaccccccce. 


Rafiki (8:53 pm):  Can I come hang out?


This site is doing wonders on how I view some people in this world!  God Bless you Rafiki!  I hope you get your five stars in customer service, your glowing yelp review, and a girl who knows exactly how you eat; however, you won't be getting it from this girl.