2 weeks in

I have now officially been on a dating website for about two weeks and I may or may not have a story or two already. First and foremost, I decided to join a free site for a couple reasons. The main reason is that I am cheap. Very cheap. The second reason is that I may or may not be fully committed to this adventure yet and it is hard to justify spending money on something I don’t really believe in 100%. I will not be telling you guys which site I am on because I may (on occasion) talk badly about it!


Within the first couple days of joining the site I had started talking to a few men. One happen to have a child, so he is out (no offense to children, but I still act like a child some days, so I am not ready for my own) and one seemed ok. Until I got his third email that asked me for my number. Remember last post when I told you I hated talking on the phone? So, when Mr. Man tried to rush to the digits I was slightly more than nervous about it. Awesome. First two guys= fail! Ok, one guy failed and one guy scared me so I take that as two fails!


If I thought it would stop at two guys equaling a fail…I was mistaken! I have had about a handful of gentlemen who have made me contemplate whether I should continue online dating or enter a nunnery instead.


Here are some examples of some wonderful men out there (please keep in mind that I am picky…very picky).


1. I shall call him Mr. Likes to speak his Mind without Thinking: Mr. Likes had a good profile and seemed like a pretty chill guy until I read his PS at the end of his first email. All it said is: “PS- I like curvy women ” Awesome. Literally my picture barely shows my upper half. Damn you boobs! Not sure if he thought it was a compliment to get me to feel comfortable. I just thought he needed lessons on how to talk to a woman. Rude stick goes to you sir.


2. I shall call him Mr. I say WAY too much on my Profile that makes Zero Sense: Mr. Way to Much seemed pretty cute, but when I scrolled down to his interests he claimed he was interested in “discriminating within reason”. Not sure what that means Mr. Man, but I am going to discriminate against you. At least I have a reason.


3. I shall call him Mr. Find a New Name STAT: Mr. Name’s profile name is Good 69. I am not kidding. I wouldn’t make this up. He also used all caps in his message to me. I wanted to write back. STOP YELLING and please for the love of everything good and holy figure out a new name! I wonder if that name ever works…this girl will never find out! See ya!


4. I shall call him Mr. Rasta Man: I got a message one day that simple said, “You are beautiful” I don’t care who you are. That is sweet. I checked out his profile and this man had hair down to his hip area and he was 45. I realize age is just a number, but 45 is a number that is too high for me. Oh. The best part is that he messaged me again a couple hours later to say, “You really are beautiful.” Thank you sir. By the way, Bob Marley called, he wants his hair back.  Hasta!


5. I shall call him Mr. No Clue how to Court a Lady: Mr. No Clue and I had messaged back and forth a couple times and No Clue decided that it was time for us to meet for the first time. I was thinking the first date would include a nice dinner, or drinks, or a walk in the park. I was thinking wrong. Mr. No Clue had another idea. Literally the man asked me if I would like to meet him at Denny’s. Denny’s?! Are we going to go there after being over served at 2:30 a.m.? Because that is the only time I have entered that establishment. Usually I am a nice human but I had to respond to that with, “Going to Denny’s sounds like a terrible idea. Sorry.” Eat a Grand Slam for me sometime buddy!


Ok, now after writing down five of my stories I realize that some of them are not so bad, and I may just be the Miss Picky Patty that everyone tells me I am. I am trying to be open, but for now I am thinking being picky is an ok thing to weed out the goobers and find my one true lobster (this is a Friends reference by the way).


Two weeks in and no true love, but I have met some truly “special” men. So, it hasn’t been a total loss…yet!